Where Is My Worth?

Lately, God has been pushing me to examine my self-worth.  He has brought it to my attention in so many different ways, that I can no longer just be stubborn and ignore Him.  I have been like a petulant child with my fingers in my ears, singing the most obnoxious song at the top of my lungs, hoping that His prompting would stop.  Unfortunately, I have learned that God is much louder than I can ever hope to be.

For months I have struggled with the fact that I am unemployed.  I have avoided bringing it up in conversations, I have tried to cut off ties with my successfully employed friends. I was embarrassed, sure that someone was judging me as an epic fail of a person.  Fear began to rise in my chest as I convinced myself that my husband was starting to resent me, and that he somehow held more power in our marriage because he brought home a paycheck.  As my stupid human mind began to spin out of control I asked myself: What is my worth if I have no job?  If there is no one to evaluate my performance?  If I don’t bring home a paycheck?  Am I a lesser partner in marriage?

This is the point when my beautifully wise husband said to me, “Meagan, do not get so caught up in this world.”  And the truth of it rang in my ears.  I can’t take a job title or cars or clothes or a house to stand before my Father.  My worth to God is not found in a hairstyle or designer jeans.  My worth is found in the blood of Christ, who would rather die than to live without me.  I am so valuable, so worthy, so loved in the eyes of a perfect God that He would send his only son to die for me.  That is more worth and value than I can ever hope to receive from a job. 

And so I ask, if you were to be stripped of your job title, would you find yourself worthless?  If you lost your home? If you could only wear clothes from Good Will?  If you got a divorce? Would you still have self-worth?  I hope so, because while I know the truth, I continue to struggle.  Everyday I must be reminded that my worth is not dependent on this world.

I have worth simply because I am me and God loves me.